Hate is a dangerous word

When my kids were little, they would get mad and scream, "I hate you!" We - and that is an inclusive we - would tell them, "You can only hate someone if you truly love them, and it is impossible to hate someone you love."


Ok -the logic was very circular, but they were 9 and 5, what did they know?


So, I ran across this quotation last night on Pintrest:

No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance.

No one stays in love by chance, it is by work.

No one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice.

I would really like to hate my partner. I would really like to feel apathy (because that is the true opposite of love). I would like to NOT think about my partner.

And then, I realize I don't want to be the kind of person who is capable of hate. I don't want to ever look on another human being and feel apathy. But I would really also like to stop hurting - any day now would be good.

I did fall in love.

I didn't always know how to work on my relationship, and sometimes I did my work badly. And The Therapist took great pains to try and convince me I had done everything I could to make my relationship work. (And My Monster voice just popped up and said, "Obviously not, he still left, decided not to work on our relationship, and didn't come back." Hush a minute - I'm working.)

I have to accept that he fell out of love by choice - and that is incredibly painful. Unconsciously/consciously - for whatever reason, he did make that choice. 

I wish I knew how to make the same choice. But then, I come back to the circular argument of - I don't want to be the sort of person who can do that. 

Ugh.